I've been on the 'outside' for four weeks now. No, not prison, I was in a psychiatric hospital for three months. I was there because I had a psychotic relapse.
Initially I was staying at a crisis house, which is a place you're taken when you can't be at home but you aren't quite ill enough for hospital. I was sent there by my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) who had noticed things were getting difficult for me. I was struggling with voices, they were loud and giving me commands to harm myself. I did everything I could to resist, tried and tried all the techniques I had learned but still the voices persisted. It's a difficult thing to cope with- it feels very much like they're in control, and it's like you have to do what they say. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I barricaded myself into a room and started to do what the voice was shouting at me to do. Luckily a member of staff at the house saw me going into the room and followed me. She kicked the door in and got hold of me, shouting at me to listen to her, not the voices.
From there it was decided I was too much of a risk to remain at the house, and needed to go into hospital. This is decided by an assessment at the department of psychological medicine at A&E. I was taken there in a taxi. Unfortunately it was a friday night, so I had quite a wait, but eventually I was seen. I had my assessment and it was agreed that I should be in hospital. Unfortunately there were no beds. (Not uncommon) I had to go to a police suite overnight while they tried to find me a bed. The suite was just a room with cctv and not much else. I sat on the floor and remained there until the next morning.
The next day I was moved to a hospital, and there I remained for the next three months. Hospital isn't a nice environment, but on reflection, it is sometimes a necessary one. I had had a relapse of psychosis, my second episode within eighteen months. My anti psychotic medication was doubled, and my anti depressant was also increased. The main symptom was the frequency and tone of my voices, but the psychiatrist said that if they had not caught it early enough all my paranoia would have started to come back too. I'm very glad it didn't! Overall my experience in hospital was a positive one in that it got me back on an even keel, and my symptoms under control again.
Risk of relapse will always be there, I just have to work out how best to manage my illness through the treatments available to me. I thought I'd done something wrong, I couldn't understand how I'd relapsed when I was taking my medication. I think it's important to remember that relapse can happen, sometimes it's just one of those things. There are steps that help prevent it, such as taking medication, attending appointments with healthcare professionals and looking after 'the basics' such as sleep, diet, and exercise.
Initially I was staying at a crisis house, which is a place you're taken when you can't be at home but you aren't quite ill enough for hospital. I was sent there by my CPN (community psychiatric nurse) who had noticed things were getting difficult for me. I was struggling with voices, they were loud and giving me commands to harm myself. I did everything I could to resist, tried and tried all the techniques I had learned but still the voices persisted. It's a difficult thing to cope with- it feels very much like they're in control, and it's like you have to do what they say. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore. I barricaded myself into a room and started to do what the voice was shouting at me to do. Luckily a member of staff at the house saw me going into the room and followed me. She kicked the door in and got hold of me, shouting at me to listen to her, not the voices.
From there it was decided I was too much of a risk to remain at the house, and needed to go into hospital. This is decided by an assessment at the department of psychological medicine at A&E. I was taken there in a taxi. Unfortunately it was a friday night, so I had quite a wait, but eventually I was seen. I had my assessment and it was agreed that I should be in hospital. Unfortunately there were no beds. (Not uncommon) I had to go to a police suite overnight while they tried to find me a bed. The suite was just a room with cctv and not much else. I sat on the floor and remained there until the next morning.
The next day I was moved to a hospital, and there I remained for the next three months. Hospital isn't a nice environment, but on reflection, it is sometimes a necessary one. I had had a relapse of psychosis, my second episode within eighteen months. My anti psychotic medication was doubled, and my anti depressant was also increased. The main symptom was the frequency and tone of my voices, but the psychiatrist said that if they had not caught it early enough all my paranoia would have started to come back too. I'm very glad it didn't! Overall my experience in hospital was a positive one in that it got me back on an even keel, and my symptoms under control again.
Risk of relapse will always be there, I just have to work out how best to manage my illness through the treatments available to me. I thought I'd done something wrong, I couldn't understand how I'd relapsed when I was taking my medication. I think it's important to remember that relapse can happen, sometimes it's just one of those things. There are steps that help prevent it, such as taking medication, attending appointments with healthcare professionals and looking after 'the basics' such as sleep, diet, and exercise.
Glad to hear you are doing fine pal. I am going through some pretty tough stuff right now too.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. I'm sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. Sending best wishes for your recovery.
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