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Stigma

When I first started this blog I must have deleted it about ten times before I hit 'publish'. I was afraid of people knowing my secret. I was afraid I'd be judged, ridiculed, or worse, that I would scare people. Where do these fears come from?

Stigma.

In general, society has unfavourable opinions around mental health issues. Think about the mainstream media. Words like 'psycho', 'crazy', and 'schizo' are banded around, and are usually used to describe someone who has seriously harmed, or even killed, other people. These sensationalist headlines all add to the stigma people face.

When deciding whether or not to disclose a mental health issue, fear is always in the back of your mind. Before starting this blog, hardly any of my friends and family knew I heard voices. They hadn't realised the extent of my psychosis. Some didn't know I suffered with it at all. One of the things that made me decide to write about my experiences was the stigma and fear I felt having been diagnosed.

I think we can self stigmatise too. I know that I am my own worst critic, and on my bad days I blame myself for my illness. I believe I'm weak and pathetic for becoming ill, and get mad at myself for not 'getting over it'. Would I be so hard on myself if I were diagnosed with a physical illness?

When I was acutely ill, I desperately wanted to know what was wrong with me. Psychosis is a lonely illness. Because of paranoia and voices many people become socially isolated, even from those close to them.  I searched in Waterstones, online, everywhere, but I couldn't find anything about psychosis that wasn't academic. I wanted something personal, I wanted someone else to say 'Look, its ok, me too'. And that is what I'm doing here really. I hope that I can be that someone for someone else.




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