Psychotic.
What does that word bring to mind? Most people would probably say killers, psychopaths, or 'psychos'.
In reality, psychotic simply means 'A person who is suffering from psychosis.'
In 2016, I was diagnosed as one of those people. I had slowly been losing touch with reality. Paranoia is a key symptom of psychosis. I refused to have a bath as I believed cameras were in my bathroom. I drove different ways home every day as I thought I was being followed by the government. I became convinced that my house was being watched, and that everyone walking by had a suspicious motive. I spent hours pacing up and down in my living room. That's the first time I heard voices. They were quiet at first, barely a whisper, but soon they became louder, as if someone was actually in the room with me. There were three voices, two female and one male.
One of the female voices commented on my actions. I would have a thought, such as 'I need a drink,' and the voice would immediately shout 'she needs a drink, she needs a drink, she needs a drink!' over and over again. Talk about annoying!
The male voice was derogatory towards me continuously, commenting on how I looked, my weight, my face. It would also order me to do things to harm myself. It was loud and gave me commands. Once it shouted at me to lay in the middle of the road and wait for a bus to run me over. The male voice also showed me pictures. (Doctors would describe these as visual hallucinations) In my case the voice would show me being tortured. These images were vivid, and I'd end up screaming as if it were happening. I eventually became too terrified to leave the house.
It goes without saying that voices are difficult to cope with. I really don't know how I managed in those early days. The problem with psychosis is, as your symptoms develop your awareness usually lessens, so you don't really understand what is going on. You believe the paranoia. You believe the voices. That's where the early intervention team came in.
The early intervention in psychosis team are a specialist service who work with people with different forms of psychosis. The idea is that the earlier the intervention, i.e. treatment, the better the long term outcome will be. I was given a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) and a psychiatrist. I was started on anti psychotic medication, along with anti depressants, to help my low mood. After a couple of weeks my paranoia started to lift. I began to gain insight into my thoughts. For some people, medication takes away their voices completely. Unfortunately in my case, that wasn't to be. My meds quietened the two female voices, but the male remained. Therefore I had to discover a way to live with it. Easier said than done...
What does that word bring to mind? Most people would probably say killers, psychopaths, or 'psychos'.
In reality, psychotic simply means 'A person who is suffering from psychosis.'
In 2016, I was diagnosed as one of those people. I had slowly been losing touch with reality. Paranoia is a key symptom of psychosis. I refused to have a bath as I believed cameras were in my bathroom. I drove different ways home every day as I thought I was being followed by the government. I became convinced that my house was being watched, and that everyone walking by had a suspicious motive. I spent hours pacing up and down in my living room. That's the first time I heard voices. They were quiet at first, barely a whisper, but soon they became louder, as if someone was actually in the room with me. There were three voices, two female and one male.
One of the female voices commented on my actions. I would have a thought, such as 'I need a drink,' and the voice would immediately shout 'she needs a drink, she needs a drink, she needs a drink!' over and over again. Talk about annoying!
The male voice was derogatory towards me continuously, commenting on how I looked, my weight, my face. It would also order me to do things to harm myself. It was loud and gave me commands. Once it shouted at me to lay in the middle of the road and wait for a bus to run me over. The male voice also showed me pictures. (Doctors would describe these as visual hallucinations) In my case the voice would show me being tortured. These images were vivid, and I'd end up screaming as if it were happening. I eventually became too terrified to leave the house.
It goes without saying that voices are difficult to cope with. I really don't know how I managed in those early days. The problem with psychosis is, as your symptoms develop your awareness usually lessens, so you don't really understand what is going on. You believe the paranoia. You believe the voices. That's where the early intervention team came in.
The early intervention in psychosis team are a specialist service who work with people with different forms of psychosis. The idea is that the earlier the intervention, i.e. treatment, the better the long term outcome will be. I was given a CPN (community psychiatric nurse) and a psychiatrist. I was started on anti psychotic medication, along with anti depressants, to help my low mood. After a couple of weeks my paranoia started to lift. I began to gain insight into my thoughts. For some people, medication takes away their voices completely. Unfortunately in my case, that wasn't to be. My meds quietened the two female voices, but the male remained. Therefore I had to discover a way to live with it. Easier said than done...
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