Once Upon a Section

I want to write a post about being sectioned. the formalities, how it feels, what it means. Somehow the words won't come.

All I can seem to say is that I was sectioned under the Mental Health Act a couple of weeks ago, and have just got out of hospital. Thankfully it was a short stay.

I don't feel much of anything at the moment. Maybe I should just delete this and try again when things are better. But I think that I started this blog to chart my psychosis journey and this is it.

Sometimes this is what it leaves you with.

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The Magic Pill

So, as I said, I've been in hospital for a few weeks. I still can't seem to write about it. I've pushed it to the back of my mind somewhere. Yesterday I had a follow up meeting with a psychiatrist. Psychiatrists deal in pills. Pills are the bane of my life. I hate them. Before I got ill I wouldn't even take a paracetamol for a headache, and now I'm on four in the morning and (was on) five at night. I say was, because I've stopped my lithium. Against medical advice. Doctors don't like it if you do this. But I felt it was the right thing to do. I was on 1000mg, five tablets, and it wasn't particularly doing anything. All it helped with were my suicidal thoughts. I've lived with those for most of my life, so is it really worth it? I felt not. I've suffered with depression since I was 12, and am well used to it by now. I'm on the maximum anti depressant and it does its job, it holds my head above water, i.e. I don't want to die most of ...

On Paranoia

One of the key symptoms of psychosis is paranoia. When I was first ill, I believed all kinds of outlandish things. I thought the government were monitoring me, I thought random strangers were plotting to kill me, I thought everyone (including my friends) hated me. Paranoia is usually intensified by voices. I'd have a paranoid thought and the voices would chime in, agreeing and making it worse. Example of thought- 'The government are monitoring me.' Voice- 'Yes they are. There are cameras in your bathroom. Your car is bugged. The neighbours work for them. You'd better stay in here, don't go anywhere.' It must seem unbelievable to you, reading that. And of course you would laugh and think 'Why would you believe such a ridiculous thing? Where is your evidence? Your logic?' But another symptom of psychosis is losing touch with reality. There is no logic. You quite literally 'lose your mind.' Since I have been on ant...

Stigma

When I first started this blog I must have deleted it about ten times before I hit 'publish'. I was afraid of people knowing my secret. I was afraid I'd be judged, ridiculed, or worse, that I would scare people. Where do these fears come from? Stigma. In general, society has unfavourable opinions around mental health issues. Think about the mainstream media. Words like 'psycho', 'crazy', and 'schizo' are banded around, and are usually used to describe someone who has seriously harmed, or even killed, other people. These sensationalist headlines all add to the stigma people face. When deciding whether or not to disclose a mental health issue, fear is always in the back of your mind. Before starting this blog, hardly any of my friends and family knew I heard voices. They hadn't realised the extent of my psychosis. Some didn't know I suffered with it at all. One of the things that made me decide to write about my experiences was the stigma...

A Blog About Psychosis

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